I really shouldn't label the whole week as rough, since it's just Wednesday, but... well let's just say, when you hit bottom, there is only one way to go. Hopefully that will be the direction for us, soon. But I'm ready to call this week, and start a new.
Monday started as usual. I'll just be honest since only my closest friends and family read this blog. I started spotting during the day (which is never a very good sign, when you're pregnant).
On my way home from basketball practice, Jeremy called me to tell me that our neighborhood was being evacuated. Yes, a mandatory evacuation had been issued because the refinery, practically in our back yard, caught fire. They were worried about an explosion because the fire was in between four other tanks, at least one contained gasoline. I'm sure this is because I needed to go home so badly to plop on my couch!
So we decided to go to dinner. A bunch of neighbors met up at Iggy's for dinner, since we were all kicked out of our kitchens. It was fun to go out as a big group, but I wasn't feeling very well and just wanted to be home.
Finally, we got word that other neighborhoods were being evacuated, so we figured we would need to get a hotel for the night (I had pre-packed bags). So we drove to Layton. You guessed it, right after we checked into our hotel in Layton, we got word that we could return home. This was especially wonderful because it was already 10:00pm, and we have to be up at 5:30am.
By the time I woke up on Tuesday morning, I was worse. My basketball team was scheduled to play Layton High after school, and I was planning on taking both kids with me on the bus, then cross my fingers for good behavior (all for naught). I ran to the store during lunch for supplies, hopped for the best, and got on the bus. The worst part about it was, I was trapped. I didn't have a car and I just got worse and worse all night.
Like an answer to my prayers a college friend of mine ended up coming to the Varsity game and I was able to catch a ride home after that game (rather than staying a few more hours for the last game).
I called in a substitute and took the day off today so that I could go to the Dr. I knew things didn't look hopeful. I still tested positive, so my Dr. sent me to the hospital for a stat ultrasound and blood work. After an exhausting, emotional day, the results confirmed my fears. The baby is gone.
I was excited for a new addition to our family, so I ordered a baby hammock (a hushamok) online. Ironically, it arrived on our front porch today. Yes today, of all days! Why? Because this is hell week. Of course it would arrive today.
I'm a little bit of a wreck. I feel really bad for my husband and children who were beyond excited. I feel like I let them down in a way, although they are all handling the news well. Some of you know how I feel. 30% of pregnancy's end this way, and possibly more for those who miscarry without knowing. Thank you to friends who have reached out to me and shared in my pain.
Even though it would be easy to wallow, I feel blessed. I have two daughters who are healthy, and a husband who loves me and takes care of me. I have a job that I love. The only thing I need now is a new week, so I can start again, fresh.
